Naming names!

The first question, naturally, is what shall I call him? If this blog is about not being silent any longer, than it seems natural that I should just use his name. After all that he did to me it seems fair that I should give him credit. Too, I think there would be a certain stigma attached to his name that would only be just. It would be cathartic for me as well. I would no longer be afraid just at the thought of his name. There it is. In black and white. For all the world to see. Your biggest secret is out.

But I am not that brave yet. He still has power over me. He will, of course, deny everything. Which would make me question my newly found strength. Of course he did it, right? Words are failing me. My mind wanders, does not wish to deal with what I'm writing about. It is only natural. Defense mechanisms of 35 years are hard to over come.

There are also legal considerations. The is no way to prove what he did, not after 35 years. If I name him, he could easily sue me and win (not that I have that much he could take). When I first started having flashbacks ten years ago I found that the statute of limitations had run out on his crimes. The State, the legal system, protects him now as my silence did before. If he sues, the State will not only protect him but reward him. It is an insane system.

As to the naming question, I could just call him Dick, or Shorty (sadly not true). But I think instead I will adopt the convention of just using his first initial. That way, should he ever come across this blog, he will know that I am taking about him and he can worry that some day I will write out his name. For now then, he is simply W***.

I hope some day to have the courage to spell out his name.